Just A Lil Peace of Heart

Almost 4yrs now. Im happy that after everything we've been through, we always go back to each other. So many breaks-up but still we are together. I have done a very bad lie and he accepted me back. I started to change myself and go back to the person who loves him so much. He has given me a chance that was full of regrets. I just knew about it now and its all because of trust. I wasn't this bad before. His being so insensitive for almost 2yrs made me like this. Bad thing when it follows more and more of the same situation. Now that Im trying ot be good, I can't even feel my right. I feel like when I am in doubt, I don't have the right to ask because he is making me feel that I have done a very very bad thing that he would compare to whatever bad thing that I could think about him. Until now, I still have this very painful heart that he used to make me feel when we were still starting our years, though not that frequent like before. I can't have a brave heart like forever. I loose strength and its getting even bad when I think about how I tried to make the other two issues about us. Even if it takes my pride away and I put shame on myself just to make things even just a little better. I'm trying to make my own step(never mind to those who don't deserve any respect!). I get tired and it makes me think to have a lil rest. Away from all these stupid things in mind.