Hopin' I wasn't Wrong

Finally have done a very stupid thing in my recent life. The kindest thing I can do is say to someone that I did something very unacceptable to make him go away. Rubbish isn't it?! Yeah, I know but that's all I think I can do to make him hate me. I always thought I was wrong but half of it was right because I thought that wasn't selfish. I'm definitely playing drama now. Sitting alone here in front of this computer...crying and hurt. I'm wondering if I did the right decision. I'm with a man who talks about marriage, kids, house...yada yada...it's all about future on the right time but it seems that it's slowly flying over the wind. We're ok and yes we really are. Maybe for him we are but for me I'm starting to get sick. Did I make the right decision of choosing him? I'm too prank I know but I felt useless. I don't know what's in his mind every time I'm asking what's wrong. I don't know if he really meant on saying nothing or he just don't want to talk about it. Are we just afraid to loose each other though we really want it to?! A part of me says hold on cause its normal but the other part of me just wants to go on...alone and without him. I'm not as productive as he is definitely because I'm fresh in this real world. I want to be as he is, more if I can. It takes time and I could never say I could be the person he wants me to be. I want to feel from him that he fully accepts me as who I am or who will I become in time. Its regardless if he forget to text me, pay attention with my messages, ignoring some of my achievements. I even feel that he doesn't really believe on me and on what I can do. It wasn't right to feel this way but I felt so small with him. Its not supposed to be like this. This is love isn't it?? It should be understanding, trust and not thinking against it. Its always kind I suppose but why is it that I felt it like were playing so selfish with each other. I don't have any comments right now maybe because I cant construct the right words to say. I understand that he is tired and he has a lot of obligations but he is not alone in this world. He may see me small but I also have my obligations. It might be small to him but its a lot bigger in my small world. I'm just hoppin' I was right on choosing him and giving him my life. I got nothing else to say...