Shoot Me

"Will You Ever Learn"

So what’s the point in all of this?
When you will never change
The days have past
The weather’s changed
Should I be sorry? Could I be sorry?
I did it all for you
Hoping you would see
Your eyes are dull, your hands are clenched
Are we ready?
But you think about yourself
Only but yourself
But what about…
Un-lonely nights, romantic moments
The love
What about them
Throw it all away
You know me well
You know it’s wrong
Then what is it you feel?
You hide behind those perfect smiles
It won’t fool me because you already did
But you think about yourself
Only but yourself
But what about…
Un-lonely nights, romantic moments
The love
What about them
Throw it all away
The perfect dates, the sweetest kisses
What about them
Throw it all away

Sing this for me and ill be dead. Hahahah!!! Im getting harder man. Im throwing all away the love. I wanna change but by myself. Stop telling me what to do. Im tired of listening. I dont even wanna listen to myself. Ill just voluntarily do it. Without any command from anybody. I will be free like a bird. I will be doing things i wanna do. I just wish I can.

A Promise, A Choice, and a Proof

It was our retreat..i was into confession. I was ought to fulfill 3 task. Three undying task. I was out in the retreat house bringing these three things with me. A promise to change. A choice for a change. A proof to be change. All about CHANGES.
I was kinda confident when i came home that i could fulfill it but i was way too wrong bout that. Its never easy. Its not easy to have an instant change. In fact, i was getting worst than ever. I'm not fine. I don't feel ok. I'm sick! Totally insane with my insanity. Squeeze me for an instance and you will see all the tears I'm hiding for being like this. I cant do it now but i wish to do it later. Soon. I'm hiding all the tears cause i don't want to be soft. I don't want people to see me so emotional, crying. I wanna be a stone again but thats against my goals. The proving is surviving. I'm doing it but not perfectly done it. As what I'm saying, its not easy to change. The choice is so difficult to do I'm thinking bout it. Its never even easy to think. I'm searching for reasons on choosing who. Lastly, the promise. Promises are made to be broken but, this is serious. Its really alarming. Red lights are really on the top of my head and not easy to do the promise. It takes a lot of prayers, control, discipline. Overall, its too far from me. I still cant see the promise done. I hope to see it soon. I have faith! I know i can do this..i have to before its too late.

A Song for Bastards I Fooled!

"Wait For You"

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I’m missing you and I’m wishing you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go?
You could have let me know; so now I’m all alone

Girl you could have stayed but you wouldn’t give me a chance
With you not around it’s a little bit more than I can stand
And all my tears they keep runnin’ down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you

Been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You gotta be feeling crazy
How can you walk away
(When) Everything stays the same
I just can’t do it baby

What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is and it just ain’t like that
Why can’t you look at me?
You’re still in love with me
Don’t leave me crying

Baby why can’t we just start all over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you’re telling me it won’t be enough

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you’re keeping inside
That is not how you want it to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it’s the last thing I do

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you
I’ll be waiting …

Don't you ever wait for someone who never deserve your love..Its your life! Be happy with it. If you'll wait..i will be happy. If you wont, i'd still be fine. Good luck with your life and be with somebody whose good as you are. Im never like that and i will never ever be that again..81.

Lost

This day is really so "wurla"! I have these 2 subjects for exam scheduled 2day. I'm so dumb not studying the lessons. I was even crying when i got in school but who am i to blame? Its my fault. When i was in school, i was really cramming. I wanna read but i don't have time. I wanna smile but i feel like a shit doing it. I don't have any reason to smile. I took the two exams and was never really sure of my answers..I'm really tired today bombarded with all the problems and being guilty with all my shortcomings. I wanna shout. I wanna cry. I feel like living in world where nobody cares for me.
Thats just one thing and there are still a lot of things. Added by this gown thing. I dont wanna mention it. Its..huh..i don't know! I mean duh! I'm so speechless bout that issue! Hey! I don't wanna hurt anybody here but it really sucks! grrrrr!!!!! I dont actually know whose to blame on this. I dont know what to say. I cant speak cause i dont know whom to talk to. Plus heres this thing i cant say what. Its a worst thing bothering me so much. Wohh!!! I wanna cry! I wanna shout! Just yesterday.. my 2 7 yrs bestfriends forsaken me. I was really worried and thinking if its really my fault. Im not that guilty on that anyway! I was thinking about a lot of things. All i wanna think right now is to sleep and wish that i will never wake up again. As i go home this night..i wish i could rest my soul, myself and my whole system. I dont know what to think first. Theres really a lot of things who needs space in my life. Im totally busted! So worst. Im lost! and i cant still find my way home..

That Isn't It

Do u know the feeling of being blessed and then suddenly things just get worst? I don't know why ive been into this situation. I dont know if its a blessing neither a curse. Well, im not gonna talk a lot here. Its just that some words really sucks! Take a look at this..

"hai nlng.. bsta palangga kau ni nko ako miga. try 2 knw her nd ul apreciate da whole akiss.. au au nlng ka.. i knw ul gona b hapi.. njoy lyf nd gudluk 2 u nd 2 ur partner.. godbless.."

Hope u understand that dialect! ahuh! and so if you can relate, better shut up! well, what can u say about this guys!? I don't wanna be rude or something. It just pissed me off! Don't have a good reason for acting this way but um..it kinda pinch my hypothalamus. O com'n what is wrong with me??? Ive been into feeling almost the same thing with two things at the same time..ok. I know its totally insane but its true. I just realized that its a blessing that both of it liked me but on the other hand its a curse. A real bad part of the still no ending story i have! its hurting me not knowing what to do. Now back to the quote.
Well, that quote is really striking! Id love to have some words from that thing but not like that. Its not the way it has to be written. Believe me, i know. I know that thing. It could hide its emotions just for me. Duh! i mean, it is trying to protect me but it sucks! I mean, hell! Not on that point, not on that page and certainly not on that topic. Oh please! get real man! I don't want you to be plastic! Be you. There will always be trouble but that is normal. I can handle that if ever. Well, i know I'm not on the position to react or complain. I was nothing to it actually and i surrendered on asking it to write what is true. If that is what it wanted to be..fine! i don't wanna loose my mind being mad! Just a word for it..Its yourself and its a public page..get real U! i would love to know what is inside of you..just let it reach me..i would be very glad to accept it! good luck!