A Promise, A Choice, and a Proof

It was our retreat..i was into confession. I was ought to fulfill 3 task. Three undying task. I was out in the retreat house bringing these three things with me. A promise to change. A choice for a change. A proof to be change. All about CHANGES.
I was kinda confident when i came home that i could fulfill it but i was way too wrong bout that. Its never easy. Its not easy to have an instant change. In fact, i was getting worst than ever. I'm not fine. I don't feel ok. I'm sick! Totally insane with my insanity. Squeeze me for an instance and you will see all the tears I'm hiding for being like this. I cant do it now but i wish to do it later. Soon. I'm hiding all the tears cause i don't want to be soft. I don't want people to see me so emotional, crying. I wanna be a stone again but thats against my goals. The proving is surviving. I'm doing it but not perfectly done it. As what I'm saying, its not easy to change. The choice is so difficult to do I'm thinking bout it. Its never even easy to think. I'm searching for reasons on choosing who. Lastly, the promise. Promises are made to be broken but, this is serious. Its really alarming. Red lights are really on the top of my head and not easy to do the promise. It takes a lot of prayers, control, discipline. Overall, its too far from me. I still cant see the promise done. I hope to see it soon. I have faith! I know i can do this..i have to before its too late.