Computer Games

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Haven’t gone yet to France by myself but what really makes me want to be there is the enthusiasm to discover the France’s secrets and the scenery that one will experience as they choose to travel in this country.

France is the most visited country in the world. It has everything that you could ever want to see with its great city like Paris, good beaches, more monuments than any other country, lovely nature, and incredible mountain scenery. I’ve been reading articles about France and it is indeed a very pleasant place to stay. Surely visitors will enjoy their good food and great wines. The best thing I’ve ever heard about this country is that you don’t live here in the expensive way. I know a lot of us were really concerned of our budget with full fun as we travel. Paris, the city of light and its surroundings are one of the most visited areas. Paris is without a doubt one of the most beautiful cities on the planet. You’ll never regret if you chose to decide a trip to France.

Computer-Based Training

"Computer Based Training" or commonly known as Computer Assisted Tutorials is a process of learning that is not executed in the traditional manner.

Computer based training involves learning using software applications installed in computers. The student is trained by the computer effectively and the teachers won’t take part at all. Oftentimes, this method of learning can be much more effective than the practice of teaching and learning in classrooms because the student, if working alone, can set his or her own speed of learning.

We may find it impossible for people to make use of computer based training which requires an exceptional amount of hardware and software. But that was just before because nowadays, everyone has access to a personal computer at home, at work or at computer labs in schools or libraries. This kind of access to computers has helped to see an increase in the use of Computer Learning courses and to develop the Leadership Skills of each student, as well as the growth in the computer based training industry.

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Summer Sunshine

My title is actually a song from the CORRS. They are very great girl's band. They are popular and really great performers. Some would say they are not good but for me, they are one of the loveliest. The title I got does not really reflect on the song but of the summer that I used to have. Sunshine becasue its one of the brightest summer I had. I have this wish of a having a guy bestfriend ever since I was a kid. Just last summer, I had one and the most compassionate of all guys I used to know. I love this person in any ways and our story started with a friendly story and unexpectedly, one great love story. Wrong but enchanting, complicated but happy...the best if only we were right. I have to make the summary of it since its a very long story. We started as friends and never guilty bestfriends because at start, we know where we are, what we do and who are we to each other. Until, the guy I had started to create imaginations and we were forced to leave the company of each one. It was really sad that we had to leave each other. That thing, triggered anything. We had this promise: "If ever one starts to fall inlove, never say it. Its best to keep a bestfriend because if we started to go beyond that we might loose both friendship and love." That is exactly what happened later on. He was my bestfriend and we were forced to leave each other. Before leaving each other, one started to confess and for that reason, we really had to leave each other. Later on, the other one had confessed and they promised to leave each other fully. After how many tries, weeks, months...we still cant leave each other. Its really amazing that no matter how hard, we are fighting...but on the wrong side. After 7 months, I did a very bad thing that triggered all his feelings for me. He decided to give up and take away all the love he had for me. I cant move out but he already did. He was happy and until now, i still have this tears hiding in my heart. No one may see it but its really and totally hurting me. Im tired but I cant leave him because it was my fault. I cant stop thinking anything about him and the things that we have done. The history of 10:00 curfew, the mass, the driving, the swing, Link2Suport, the bracelet, hankerchief, red butterfly, white rose, the poem. As in everything. He was the first person to greet me good morning and the last person to bid me good night. Never neglected even one day to do that. He treated me like a princes, he was worried all the time about me, he wakes me up every morning so I wont be late. The smile, the looks in his eyes and all the red carpet when we are in our fairy tale world. How will I be able to forget all these memories? Way back into Love...the song playing when we had a sweet dance. I cant forget every inch of everything that we had. Right now, the sunshine of that summer, all gone, all washed out. It was my fault and I dont even know if it will still come back. I dont know if we still have the 2 years. The person I always think that would just be there at my back when I need him, never here, never near. From the bestfriend I used to know to the person I used to love and now the stranger I have to pass by. Summer sunshine is really over.

Love Will Lead You Back

Love Will Lead You Back Lyrics

This song is really touching. I don't know if i already have this on my page. Whatever! Well, somebody told me to let him go. That would definitely a bull's eye shot on me and could actually put that dot, dot, dot. Then what will happened next if I'll do? I'll be away soon and I have read a line about him waiting for somebody to come. I'm pretty clueless about him because he is not saying anything. I was even thinking he's okay. I told my mother about it and she told me to follow what that person is saying but I cant. He is telling me everything will be okay but when and how? I wanna trust him but I dont wanna loose him. I just can't! My nanay said: "If its really him for you...we'll never know. It would take time...years. If you'll meet again, let's just see." Its exactly the same thoughts he told me. Then how will things flow?! Its really hurting. I just hope that love will really lead us back. Love may not be here for now but I wish that in God's time, it will be.

Back for days...

Back here in Davao just today. I've spent my Christmas with my family in Tagum City and I have to go back here for a reason. I need to finish things that bothers me. My thesis! Definitely still a very big thing to finish. I was playing jokes with my father about me not graduating and he was really so mad. So now I have this pressure on me. I really have to grad! Aja! I'll be here for just 3 days and have to go back for our Reunion and spend New year with my fam. This was really my 1st quiet Christmas since my 2 sisters were not home. They were in Bohol to spend the season. They don't have plans to go home for now. It was overwhelming that despite of that, I have my brother back with the headaches he is giving to us(quite) but its okay that he is here. Plus, I'm drank for two consecutive days with my childhood friends spending time together and having fun a lot. Its really a headache. I've been cleaning the house and helping my mother to cook since I cant cook alone because I don't know how to. I just felt that rich people actually cant experience this. Since they have their "nanny" at their house, they cant enjoy the feeling of rearranging the house and the designing of it for Christmas. It was just four of us in the house for now. Really quiet but cool. Lols. I love my family and I'm taking this advantage to share my thoughts since Ill be staying here for just a few days! Have a wonderful season everyone!

Advance Greetings!

Being online everyday is my life's routine. I can't just sleep without even opening a PC and checking on my online stuffs all day. But This time is really a season. It almost Christmas and I have to go back to my hometown to see my family and spend time with them. It's my four years living in Davao and I would really miss this place when I'm out of here. Christmas vacation is not that long anyway so I'll just be a little invisible for just a few days. Since I cant be online everyday, which is one of my ways on communicating to people, I would like to save this message here and let those who can read to feel the warmth of love and care I can share. I cant be here on that exact day so just pullin' this ADVANCE MERRY CHRISTMAS to all and a HAPPY NEW YEAR! I love you all guys and thank you so much for the year that you've been a part. No matter how sad, how bad, or how happy you've caused my life, it will always matter. If you've never come around, I will never have these learnings, these realizations and the challenges of life. Thank you and God bless you all! Have fun! See you as soon as I can get online!

Succumb

Feeling so exhausted is really a failure of the day. I was full of headache last night but I feel well today. Very light even drank. Its the very first time I never had a hang over...with the hard. I just give-in to the emotions that was recently bothering me. The life of a person I used t know, now, I believe is totally gone. I am a loser and I submit myself to that. I never had this freedom of feelings. As if Im over. Im into the shadow of hurt, of tiredness, of shame and of fear. This is not me! I never give-up. I never give a damn care of whatever those people are giving me. The person I am knows when and how to ignore those who are indeed needed to be ignored. Who am I right now?! I don't even know myself. I don't know you, him or they. I don't know this or that. I don't know anything and some would think Im great but Im not! Im with my mask. The happy, the cheerful, the smiley, maybe cool, maybe strong but all of that was not me anymore. I never was, I even forgot how to be that person. I feel down for losing. I should be over it. When will I ever be out of my shell? I should act on my age but Im still in this sticky thing holding me and I cant move out. Just leave me alone and I just wanted to understand that my life is not bound to turn on the life of a person, of a certain emotion and feelings and of the shadow of anything. I have to be out and I have to be a soldier. I have to fight against it and I have to live a new life...with or without you! With or without anything to have!

Wurla Morning!

Today is our last day of exam with this last subject PolScie. Too bad I was not ready to take the exam because I just watched movie last night. Not just one but two of it! Very bad! I was really sleepy when I decided to go to sleep and unfortunately, i dont have this open eyes to study. I have to sleep by 12 to wake up early for an early mass. After mass in the morning, I started studying my subject but I fell asleep...again. I was still laughing when I woke up by 8 and started to get alarmed when Im still in Chapter 2 out of 5 chapters and its already 8:45am. I then took a bath and studied again by 9:30. I was really in a hurry. im really shaking becasue i'm really hungry plus sleepy at the same time. So i went to school with this never ready heart and mind and soul. I'm out of the house 5min before 10 and needed to ride the taxi because certainly i will be late if I wont. The exam was alrady starting when I arrived and I was 10min late. Im still shaking and I cant think well. I was not that ready and its really "wurla" to answer those questions. Its really vague. I dont have any idea about some of it. After exam we have to run for the printing of the IRM requirements. We ran out of the school and back again to pass it. After all of that, I'm now here and blogging. Wurla day! I think I need some food to calm down! Have a yummy lunch everyone!

Last Line

I forgot to blog this thoughts I have last day. I really have a lot that's why I fail to remember everything. Well, it's all about the last line of the homily i heard from the last day's Novena Mass. I was actually late so I just tried to open my ears to get a bit of understanding about the words of God. The last line I got is "In the end...God heals". So what is really the significance of this in my life right now?! So you see that life is never perfect. We are never perfect. I remember the sins that I've done, big or small. There were people who finds it too hard to forgive me or forget their madness on me. People wants me to go away from them to move on and leave that most enchanting emotions we have. Well, I cant even blame. I'm losing hope but as usual...nothing can ever change. Just having that line in my heart, I know, everything will be healed. People will be healed and as what they say, everything will be okay. Not worry too much and don't think of the problem anymore. People and I, everything about us, will be alright!

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Forest plus City

I was really hungry when we arrived at "Banoks"(eating place). From exam, which ended by 7, me and my group mates went to an Internet Cafe to integrate the documents we made in our houses. I was really starving when we decided to eat. After eating, we decided to enter a newly-opened park just in front of that place where we eat. When we were inside, we were really amaze on what we have seen. Its a combination of green things and liberated mood. A lot of bench, statue, lights were all around and the place was really clean. There was a part which actually looks like Baguio because of the trees. It was the "People's Park" in Davao City. It was really cool in the eyes. A lot of lovers we've seen and it was never awkward to look at them because the place was just right. The ambiance and everything...wow! We took a turn and the last stop, hopefully, was the playground. I was delightful to see the swing but like MTS, the swing are just for kids. Which would actually mean that I cant play it. Its never delightful at all for me but for the kids, they were really enjoying! Anybody can have a lot of fun in their. Just don't forget to bring your camera. I just had one picture on my phone and it was not as good as the pictures taken from a real cam since it was already dark. We just went home because suddenly I remember that I still have to study. There's still a lot to be read. So we were walking home with amazement. The place was really great. It makes me remember someone, I can do my emo moments their.lols.

Aches

Im not really feeling well today. Its really alarming that I'm not hot outside but inside, I feel cold. Which actually means that sickness is still inside my body. I'm really anxious about it because its our exam week plus...thesis checking! I'm afraid I cant get up tomorrow. Hope not! I think it actually started with my toothache just last Monday and now I don't feel good at all. Plus here is a friend Jan who hold my hand so tight like i feel i got my bruises for that. I cant move my left hand freely. Like I was typing really slow right now. Oh! Everything is really aching including my... you know that thing that beats? Well, forget it! It will be okay! Hope soon. Its almost Christmas and i want to be happy. I just wish I can always fake a smile. No! Fake a hatred and pain. Well, still two days to go! I mean three days since our thesis checking will be this Saturday. Just wishin good luck to everyone! Aja!

Just 15 minutes...

It’s already 10:15 on my watch. It’s the Philippine time anyway. After 15 minutes, our Political Science Class will be starting. Just want to write this early for a reason...disappointment. I was really disappointed because I did not wake up early this morning. Too bad I miss the Novena Mass today. Now, I just miss one. I really want to cry. Like it’s very important to me right now. My eyes started to open 6:12 am and the mass is certainly over. I get up from my bad with this very bad mood. Well, I guess I don’t have to ruin my whole day. So I texted my mother to tell her my grief. She told me to pray the rosary and say sorry to the Virgin Mary for not waking up early. Well at least that's from my mother and kind of relieve me. But still, it’s different! It should be 9 days of Novena Mass but I lose one chance already. So I guess I will be needing three alarms to wake me up tomorrow morning. I can’t just depend on my friend to wake me up. I’m somehow mad that she didn’t wake me up. Her reason? She is not feeling well. But she woke up the time before the mass. How I wish she just woke me up although she don’t want to go. Well, forget it! It just happened. Anyway, I still have 10 minutes to review what I've studied a while ago. It’s just really enchanting that my nocturnal side isn't affecting me today. See, I have just thought and write this morning. Lols. Have a nice day guys and good luck to my quiz!

Songs that Counts....

Red Jumpsuit Apparatus Lyrics

I heard this first song from a friendster account of a friend. I really like its "EMO" tone. Since I'm practicing that currently, I easily fell in love with the song. I decided to put it in here but when i saw this song in my ex' b's blog, i was a hesitant of posting it. I saw this lyrics moving and I find it cool so i decided to put it anyway. Its an old style of putting lyrics. Like a lot of my friends were already using this style in their friendster account. The important thing is, its already on my page. I love the meaning. Its about sacrificing out of love. Proving that because of love, he can do everything.

Mariah Carey Lyrics
Always Be My Baby Lyrics

This second song is actually a part of my playlist and heard it playing on my ex' b's younger sister's friendster account again. I love her shoutout! "You'll always be my baby"...that is! Baby reminds me of a person who used to be there and suddenly has to leave me for a reason to move on. Well I put this one on my playlist because its more about leaving. It speaks more about the faith into the love they used to have. And because of that love, the one who leaves will be back. Perfect! That's how I am right now but the coming back is not sure to come true yet although faith of love is always there.

Hopin for you to appreciate both songs!

Memories by HEART

I'm gonna make this one simple. I just realize that we could really have a lot of memories. Some of it we might forget. A lot of us make our own writings in the diary. Like blogging or in a real diary book. Why do we do that?! First reason is to remember the things that happen or the things that are still going to happen like schedules we put into our organizer or calendar. Sometimes we don't want to forget important dates, meetings or something terrible and extraordinary settings. I cant see the essence. Maybe for meetings or business matters, this could be important but on the other hand, this could be pretentious.
Its more likely to know when a person whom you valued most just appreciate the dates like anniversaries and birthdays. Isn't it romantic when one could have all the memories of the past without reading or writing it to it's diary?! This is what I meant about memories by heart. If you really feel it, you can instantly remember everything. Love makes everything fresh. You may not always think about it your whole life but just by knowing the current date or by seeing things, there is it! Reminders just pop-out from your mind. Without minding it, you already have the memories from your heart.

Nocturnal

I'm better-off working at night and slumber the whole morning. You might be thinking I'm a banshee! Lol! By no means! I just love the hours of darkness. I love the stars around and the breeze of the air instead of the heat of the sun. I can’t ponder when I do the documentation early morning. I can’t even sleep at night. Yeah! I know this isn't normal. I'm actually thinking I'm ill. If you’re anxious, you don't have to. I have these plans of seeing the physician soon. Well the terrible thing of me being of the night is the upshot when morning comes. I have this very weighty body. I think I can’t stride. My hands were trembling and my stomach is really throbbing. I can’t even perceive sound at times and I feel like everything is so dim and suspended. I don't want to think I’m sick. I just feel weak but I can still budge. I can still think but I have to stare at stuffs first before I totally move out from bed. Sleeping for just a short period of time makes me feel like riding an octopus. Once you go down, you have to scrutinize first and take a balance. If you weren't into this situation guys, not yet nocturnal, never get yourself into this world! Always think about your health. I’m trying to defeat this practice. Still not easy but fighting. After all, I have a lot of reasons to live and dreams I’m still hunting to fulfill.

Sunday of Joy...Sunday of Rejoice!

I was really glad that i never failed to woke up early this morning. Its really so overwhelming to be there...attending the first day of the traditional Novena Mass. I woke up an hour earlier than the scheduled time. My friend and I were together joining the mass at ATENEO de DAVAO UNIVERSITY. It started at 5am. Not like others which usually starts at 4am. I feel great and not sleepy. I can still remember when i was young, i go with my family really sleepy. I just slept while the mass is going on. Lol. Well, i just had the faith and patience topic from the Jesuit Fathers of Ateneo. I estimated the time of his homily and I think, it was more than 30min of speech. Really worth it for everything that he said. The best part I cant forget is the Psalm which was actually sang by a guy. He's a part of the chorale i think. The psalm goes this way:

"Naway Kahabagan
Tayo ng Diyos
at pagpalain
kailan man."

The song made my body's hairs stand. I was not frightened but overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the voice and the feeling of lightness. I even had a teary eye. I felt that God never gave up on me. So many chances he had given and still, he is willing to forgive. Another thing i realized was the greatness of the morning. Ive been nocturnal these past few months. After the mass, I never slept again. Instead, I took a bath and went out of the house to blog. But i cant write. As usual, I cant think when its still early. Hahahah! Im trying to forget something. Realizing that I can do a lot of things when i start things early, inspires me to start and get things done as early as possible. Thanks for an early and good start with the LORD!

A Reason to Chose...

Here i go again! The last time i wrote was a lil irrelevant to how am i ryt now. These past few weeks, I was playing with these set of emotions and then realizations begun to freshen up. It started with a wrong thing, followed with a wrong love and next is the pain. It has a bit of misunderstanding on the way it has to be done and with that implication things brought to him! I just remember that the pain we both are having right now started from a decision i made. I felt sorry for a month but realizing the real reason why i have to make such decision is all because of luv, it gives me a lil strength. I was mad at myself for bringing the pain but at least right now, i already have the reason to be strong. Maybe not to overcome but at least have at least a reason to move on. Its really very hard to understand, to let go and to move on...yes i know but we have to! I have to! Just every time he pushes me away from him makes me think im not selfish at all. Ive used that wrong thing to make a pain, to show my love, and to make him stop from suffering any longer. The path started when i did a mistake, decided to use it for someone i love, used that to make somebody stop loving me, and the only decision i can make to stop him suffer just because of me. If ill say go, he wont go. He will but he will still stay for two years. He’ll wait while im playing around not knowing if i will still come back to him. The choice was: first, to stay, keep the sin and let him suffer for years? second, to reveal, let him suffer and finally trigger him not to love me anymore. At least, we both suffer or nevertheless, i will suffer. A decision that blows up everything. The only thing in my mind is..."Its my fault i know. I made a sin. Its a choice to tell you or not. Sooner or later you'll know. But i decided to say it for one good reason. I love you and I would be very selfish to let you wait for me while i will be laughing with the other. It really hurts me and you, i know your also in pain. I want this and i dont have any idea this could be any painful to me. Im sorry... though you can’t see it, you may not believe, that even to the last decision i made, I made it for you."

"One More Chance"

Yes I know! This sounds really familiar to all of you guys! Take note...its still showing on the theaters. Well, for those who are not familiar about this movie, its a movie where Bea Alonzo and John Lloyd Cruz are the main characters. Another great thing is Maja Salvador and Derek Ramsey are also part of the movie. Really good looking people.

When I first heard something about how good this movie was, I really made a plan to write something about the movie. I can get facts from the internet but its really different when you witnessed the movie by yourself. So I decided to watch the movie with a special friend.
When I was in the movie house, I was really praying that the amount I paid will be worth for the movie I chose to watch. I can still remember when I watched the movie whose main characters are Mark Herras and Jennelyn Mercado(oops, spelling...). I really regret for watching that movie...I forgot the title. Since then, I promised not to watch any Tagalog movies anymore. This movie was really different. When I saw the trailer of the movie, it just drags me on wanting to see more of it. Thinking that it was form Star Cinema with the director, Cathy Garcia-Molina, I felt that this movie could have something worth to watch for. And so we watched...

I was trying to relate myself but unfortunately, it was vague for me. The movie was not meant to match the story of my present love life. Well, that's okay but I really found some interesting lines I could really relate to. One is "Mahal na mahal kita at ang sakit-sakit na!" with the matching tears and walking out of the door. Huhuuh...it was really touching. "She love me at my worst, you had me at my best...but you chose to break my heart." I was really silently crying in the movie house.You may find it silly specially when you talk about Tagalog movies but for me, its really worth paying for and now Im back believing that there could still be another very good Tagalog movies...simply well made and produce by Star Cinema. As how they define the story was all about..."journey of two lovers who has to lose something in order to find themselves". So to those who have been together for quite some time, you should always know how to know yourself. Always make sure that you can still live even without him/her. There was also a very important line that I can still remember saying "kaya nawawala yung taong mahal natin kasi baka ung taong magmamahal sa atin di pa dumarating. Hayaan mo, makikita mo din yung taong mamahalin ka at aalagaan mo." The last words are not really the way it was...just something like that. It was the words of Popoy's friend when Basha left Popoy. This might happen to you guys. Maybe the person you have right now with you is not really the person for you. If somebody leaves you and never comes back to you, then maybe he/she is not meant to be staying with you forever. On the other hand, if he/she comes back, then maybe you are just meant to lose each other for a while and be back with the better you. The person who can face the real love for the real person. If that happens, maybe you are meant to be forever.

These are just some of the lines on the trailer. Would you agree on that first line? What would be your answer on the other line?

The first line for me, it was right and it could be helpful. You could be much better as you grow. You could be more matured as you come back. My answer to the "How long", I still don't know...as long as I can feel it, I will still hold on even if I'm the only one still holding on.

"I Love You Goodbye"

Wish I could be the one

The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But baby that's not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can
Find some way to understand I'm only doing this for you
I don't really wanna go
But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do
You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be
Who'll give you something better
Than the love you'll find with me
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh I don't wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
But I'll never be the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Baby, it's never gonna work out
I love you, goodbye

(Its a Self-made image...done in MSword and MSpaint...hhehehe)

LAST LOVE SONG

Am I trying to hard
To Keep this love alive
You don't seem to care
About this love that we had
I called you last night
But you were not there
I didn't here from you at all today

I can't play this game
I'm just wasting my time
You leave me with no other choice
But to say goodbye
I want to work things out
But what's the point of it if
I have to be in love alone
It's not worth it anymore


It's hard for me to say goodbye
The tears are falling down my eyes
I'm sorry,
I'm Sorry, but we tried...


I thought we shared a life that was full of love
But now I realize we shared an empty hope
I will cry my last cry
Before I say bye bye
I will sing my last love song for you tonight

I can't play this game
I'm just wasting my time
You leave me with no other choice
But to say goodbye
I want to work things out
But what's the point of it if
I have to be in love alone
It's not worth it anymore


It's hard for me to say goodbye
We did out best to make things right
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, but we tried...


I thought we shared a life that was full of love
But now I realize we shared an empty hope
I will cry my last cry
Before I say bye bye
I will sing my last love song for you tonight

I can't play this game
I'm just wasting my time
You leave me with no other choice
But to say goodbye
I want to work things out
But what's the point of it if
I have to be in love alone
It's not worth it anymore

Enough...Im done!

I'm still trembling this very moment. I had an enemy from the YM and he was way too stupid for making me this stupid. I'm really crying for being so mad on him. It was never easy faking a smile. Smiling like nothing had happened. I'm working too hard bringing this shameless face just to make us work again but as usual, "I didn't tell you to work!", that will always be his line.

"PUTA" is such a term for me right now. I'm just so sorry to use that but the urge of being on the highest point of madness is on my system. Its flowing onto my smallest veins. I hate a person who is so insensitive! I'm so tired of being under his skin...letting things flow as if "kaya ko pa" because in reality, its really tiring to cry. I know its my fault. "Ginago na kita!" Yeah! Yeah! Whatever! I will never care! He is really making me bad...and mad. Now were fair...its getting hard for me and getting so painful to me like I never imagined would be happening. TIME?!?!? You need time right?! That's all yours. You can have much of your time cause as long as I'm here, you wont be calm. Now I'm gone and I'm done of all of these...happy?!?! There is nothing you can count on me. I'm not here for you anymore and I will be accepting that you'll never be there at all. Just stop it! I'm sorry! It was really my fault for making you feel all that pain. I'm really sorry but I also have my own feelings. You are really squeezing me and I had enough of this! Let's just leave each other. I wont care anymore because I know you wont care as well. Let's recover separately and when we are fine, let's not think that there is still you or me waiting. Consider me dead. After all, that's what you actually want to happen. Good luck!

Late at Night

With You
by Akiss

A game had let us meet
Online site had let us chat
Messages and PM's made us speak
And eleven numbers keep the beat.

We were desperate when we started
And that is where good friendship bloomed
Circumstances made everything ended
But for quite long time we still cant take.

You were gone but songs keep playing
Game of yours is keep on moving
Though some things are not as they are before
And eleven numbers are not functioning at all.

I love that fake driving with you
And the swing I used to play
These thoughts always makes me smile
With all the visions we had and now passing through.

12:33am - Oct.4, 2007

Behind
by Akiss

We had 81 for a meaning
8 is me and 1 is you
As butterflies never fades away
White roses will always stay.

AB is our name's initials
And 0811 is our favorite numbers
Blue is what you are to me
And red is how i smile to you.

This sign ( : ) is nothing to them
Specially when its followed by this ( - )
The last in line is like a p
And so a meaning comes from this smiley.

We love combinations on what we have
And we are fond of little "baby"
A princess he said I'am before
And he is my knight...always will be.

Endless Nights

I was back from my vacation last October 25, 2007 to be on the b-day of my 2years boyfriend. I was happy when he was surprised to see me back. I did not tell him know that I am already in the city on his day. I really planned to surprise him and was happy for his speechless reaction. “You made my day complete!” This was his words and I was overwhelmed because of that. I stayed in the city for about 4 days before I went home to my hometown. Before I left, something terrible happened that made me think I wish I never got home earlier…he might be still mine. I never realized he could dispatch me that easy. We had a fight and maybe he got annoyed of me. The point is, I never thought these could be done easier. We had a break-up and he was not replying on my SMS and not even replying on my pm’s on yahoo. How could I ever reach him and solve the problem? I’m still with my family and I can’t go near to him right now. Anyway, I had a lot of endless nights. I can’t sleep just thinking of what is really happening. Are we really done?! Is this really happening?! I want to talk to him but it seems that he doesn’t care. I don’t even know what to do because I can’t move here. So many tears again right now and I cant believe I’m in this kind of stage again. I just gave up a best friend who also gave me up and so I had a lot of reasons to cry…to drink. Hoping not!!! Im alone now and had a lot of extended endless nights and probably days. A lot of reasons to fake a smile, to pretend Im okay and to act as if nothing had happened.

Future vs. Future

Realizing that after all it was not that easy to say who is meant to stay with you for the rest of your life. Often saying to myself things like he maybe or he may not be. It’s a choice to live and whom to live with. I was a hesitant of taking the risk but right now, I’m ready to take it. The only thing is I can’t do it right now because of some circumstances or maybe because there is nobody waiting still. The reality is, I was fooling myself that there are too many of them. I’m not really sure if they are just there because I do the first move and they just don’t want me to be ashamed of myself.
Anyway, why did I say future versus future? I guess a lot would say, “In my future life, I want to be stable…I have work, I own my house, I have my family and just have enough number of kids!”. This is true for several people including me. I see a guy that could be and might be going with me with that future life. I often thought about that for so many times and a smile and somehow a satisfaction is within me. I just discovered lately that it’s not the way it is. There could be a change on that matter. I forgot to ask myself bout this, “What will happen if you see your future away from the place you are right now and the guy you see going with you for that kind of future life sees that negatively…as in break-up?!” I’m going to explain that! What I meant is, I see him my future one but my own future is away with the place he could have a stable future. What will I choose, the future one or my own future? I mean, yes I know I have to consider my own future first but it could be without the future one. Or it could be that my own future is without my own future but with the future one. I never really imagined that I could be choosing from the two. Maybe the future one I thought will be going with me is not really the one. I mean, do you get it?! He is stable in his place and he wants to be in the place with his own family. If I leave the place, I might not be his family anymore. I don’t know what to choose for now. Let’s just see and let’s just play it. Answers will be soon revealed as my studies and some other important matters in life will be fulfilled before choosing what kind of future is much greater to live.

My Dancing World

I’m so addicted to something right now. Good things it's not about guys this time. Lols. Anyway, I’m super having fun when I started playing this. It was just installed in Amigoas Internet Café and just noticed the icon on the desktop.

I was really attracted to it because I love dancing. I’m not really good at it but at least I’m not that bad on it. I can do some moves, freestyle maybe. I am actually referring to an online dance game called AUDITION.

I know some of you already know bout this. I’m not sure but I think it’s my 3^rd month of playing it. I remember myself teasing my classmates playing DOTA that it’s not a good habit but right now, guess who’s talking?! I’m also one of them! On the other hand, my game is not about war so it’s a bit safe. (Laughs) I’m not sure if it’s nice to promote this. I’m addicted to this but I’m trying to stop it since I’m still studying and this may pull my attention out from school. Hopefully not! Anyway, it’s no harm if you know how to control yourself. So what is about this online game AUDITION? First you are trained on how to play the game. Commonly used are the arrow keys and the spacebar. For those who want to do the higher level, they use the numbered keys on the right side of the keyboard. So the usual is up, down, right and left keys. 7, 9, 1 and 3 are the next level keys. I never tried that actually. It’s just too hard for me. There where also a lot of game moods. I just do the CHOREO which is much easier for a beginner to do using the 4 arrow keys and the D4. It’s kind of similar to CHOREO but really fast. More choices found in it. If you want to be in the group, you should level-up of course. For the levels 1-5, I remember playing and playing until I reached up to level 5. I was wondering when it takes a while and my level was not progressing. Then I noticed the LICENSE which is a game for you to take. It’s a challenge. Once you fulfill the mission, you got the nest level +++ more money added to your earned DEN. Den is how they call their money. They also have another kind of money but through buying an E-games card. I’m not buying it because I want to earn it on my own. Amazing it is because it also has a shopping mall where you can buy clothes, shoes, hairstyle and face. When you have a better look, it may let other gamers think that you’re really good for earning that much and buying those clothes or maybe, you just bought a card. So now you know why I never buy a card?!...When you get addicted to it, its bad but on the other hand, you will be learning a lot here. “Patience is a virtue”. That is one thing I have in mind when playing. You will never earn money if you never practice a lot. You will receive a lot of “BOOs “when you miss a step but just take it as a challenge to do good next time. The rating are actually, from the lowest level, are MISS, BAD, COOL, GREAT and PERFECT! If you get perfect you’ll get a higher score. It is much better if you have RANDOM of perfect. That’s the COMBO. It’s really a way too broad game. I don’t know if I miss to say something more about the game. Well, if you want to play it, download the installer now. Get online and learn to discover as how I did it. If you’ll get interested, see you there! I’m dna0811 by the way and I will be very glad to play with you.

Turning Back...Pathetic! = KARMA

You might be thinking that was someone special to me I'm referring to on the title. Not really! That was no other than me.

There was this guy that was with me for more than 2 years. After all these time that we spent together, I realized that a lot of things had changed. It’s not only his shortcomings but "our" shortcomings. I don’t exactly know how to define the feelings I have for him…feelings that was left for him. I ask some space from him to let me think but we actually ended up breaking-up. I was okay at first but the feelings began to roll-over and pinch me saying I'm not okay at all. I ask to go back to him but he won’t agree at all. I know he loves me when he had given me another chance to think. After 6 chances and another chance was given to me…again. It was really shameful that I was this bad right now. I was never this disastrous all my life and so I was living my one week with the exaggeration of freedom. I’m weighing things so cautiously and preventing any other third party reasons to be involved.

Third party because that was where the chaos has started from. A V-Ball Varsity Player of our school who happens to be my best friend at the same time a guy turned to be loved by me. He was really different and to sum it all up, he maybe different because he was young and innocent. I saw him slowly changing from the willing guy to the insensitive guy. Insensitive because he never takes care of me at all and doesn’t even think of my emotions. I wonder if he can even feel what I always feel when he does really striking things with his very selfish words. Huh! It was really boring and tiring at once. I can’t see him and I can’t even feel him. Not even when he knew that I don’t have a boyfriend anymore. It was really arresting when he told me that he still love me but it wasn’t enough for him to fight and stand for me. Though I understand that he still loves me and there were a lot of things to consider why he can’t be with me, I found myself slowly falling out of love. It was maybe because I’m afraid of taking the same pain if I’ll be with him. The good thing was he told me that he was doing that for me because as long as he wasn’t sure of his love, he would just continuously hurt me. That was actually good but it kind of bores me and automatically made me tired.

I know it’s not good to make it a part of the reason for me to go back to my 2years guy but just to be true, I won’t deny it. I want to go back to him for realizing that I still love him and that I still long to be with him. Plus that reason as well. Anyway, I just don’t want to be fraud.

I got a crush since first year and undeniably, I found him more interesting than my best friend. I’m really so sorry to say this but I can feel his presence than of the person I expected more to be there. I can’t blame anybody for these but myself. Unfortunately, he has a girlfriend already and I respect that very much. But one thing is sure, I felt something special for him right now.

Just to be definite, I chose the one I’m sure I feel for and I’m sure I want to be with me. For now, I can’t say for the rest of my life but for the life that I am playing right now. I want him, I need him and love is a factor for all of these feelings. I was somehow still indecisive of where or what will happen to my future life. That is why, I’m just playing my part. I maybe unjust for so many times in so many ways especially to my 2 years guy but I’m trying to make it up on him…slowly. I still have the heart I know and it’s just a matter of discipline to my urges.

The title actually speaks about the three guys turning their backs on me and no wonder that’s pathetic. That’s what Karma is. Asking who’s that pathetic? It’s no other than me.

Im Sorry I Cant Make It

Im Yours

Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but your so hot that i melted
I fell right through the cracks, and i'm tryin to get back
before the cool done run out i'll be givin it my best test
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love
listen to the music at the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melody
It's your god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved Loved
So, i won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate, i'm yours
*scat*
I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
my breath fogged up the glass
and so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm a sayin'is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
it's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue
I won't hesitate no more, no more
it cannot wait, i'm sure
(there's no need to complicate
our time is short
it cannot wait, i'm yours 2x
no please don't complicate, our time is short
this is our fate, im yours.
no please don't hesitate no more, no more
it cannot wait, the sky is yours!)
well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
ah, la one big family
it's your god forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved
open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
ah, la happy family
it's our god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved
listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
ah, la peaceful melodies
it's you god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved...

speechless..I cant stand still..im sorry!

Angles

Okay. So, i was not that freak about taking pictures around..my boyfriend does but I'm not totally into it. All i know is that its great to see things. I love relating them to myself. So i got this pictures in my room and a certain place. You might say some of them are kind of not in the interest of many people but it makes me like it. I love the angle of each of them. Same of them are not that valuable but it speaks the things i used to do. My personality somehow.

Memories
- Its not that clear I know but its an idea of a friend. I have my childhood close friend together with me in the room. Her name is LEAH. We have our pictures posted on the wall and planning to post more making the entire wall a nice view to those who enter the room since its the wall exactly facing the room's door. Its few for now but it will be added sooner as we get any older and will keep all our memories there.






















Old Yet Powerful
- This is a pocket PC for those who don't know it. It has a good brand since its DELL but its not actually mine. Its fast and efficient. It was just given to me. Right now, its color changed to black since i pay for the repaint of it. Its very useful to me because its has a Microsoft word where i can read my soft copies and study them. It has a Windows media player where i can see a movie and listen to music. Plus, you can actually install there new softwares to enjoy it more. It has 4 memories so i don't have problem about saving a lot. Except that its kinda big to bring. But its okay, i totally love all the benefits i can get from using that.






















Fly High
- My desktop. Its a red butterfly(may favorite color). I took that pix in my room. Its given to me by a very special best friend and I love staring on it.






















Unique Player
- My other music player which is a lot better. Since its a touch screen, It can easily open new windows when its tap on the screen. I love this player because it has a "block screen" feature where u can make the desktop black like its not turned on.






















Stone Shoes
- No harm guys! Its just my shoes. I'm proud of saying that its a UK. I love UK things. They really have good quality. Very nice. I'm Using new shoes right now but that shoes is actually still so alive. Nothing much bout that.






















Comforters @ Night
- These are my pillows in the apartment. They have their placing. Its the arrangement actually because i believe that being organize makes a view nice to see. That red pillow is from my cousin ATE JANG, the blue one is an xmas gift from BEBE and the green one actually have 3 small pillows inside; one is lavender w/c is also an xmas gift from DENISE, the yellow is from my sister ATE ANN and the blue is from SENECA also an xmas gift. The biggest pillow is from my boyfriend DENNES. It has no pillow case because I simply love its texture. I love rubbing it on my feet. Lols.





















Double Purpose
- Very unique bag. Its also a gift from my boyfriend. Its not really a gift. Its a give a way for buying a product in a certain store. I love the ribbon and i customize it more by putting those shiny things all around it. Every time i use it, my classmates always tease me like I'm gonna buy something from the palengke. Our school is near that place actually.






















Other Side
- My favorite big watch. This watch brings my "Choi" kuno side..hehhe..






















Monthsary?
- Its my monthsary gift to my boyfriend. The bad thing is, right now, its already broken. :-(






















"Never Solve Game"
- I just cant make it. I can only do the one side complete. I wonder when can I ever succeed on that game. mmmmmmmmm?!?!?!

Special Car Chain
- Its a chain from a friend. A lot of people thought i had a car because of this. hahaha. Its always on my very handy pocket. I had it captured on both front and back side.






















"Everything in my Pocket"
- I'm sure i don't have to tell you what those things are since its very obvious. Anyway, I cant go out from the house without all of that. Another sad thing is, the ball pen, w/c is my favorite, is already gone this time..:-(






















Shining Armore
- Its just my favorite sunglasses. I feel like a model walking down the road and wearing it. Lols.






















Crystal Toy
- One of my toys. Its not mine actually. I just got it from my real house in Tagum. I love twisting it. It actually has a pointed bottom thats why it spins when twisted. I just love staring at it!

Bloody Watches
- My 3 old red watches. I call them small, big and big-big. Obviously, I love red. The small is from my ex-boyfriend JAYSON. The big is from my high school friend RYAN and the big-big is from my scholarship money. I love all of them but the big-big is the only one functional right now.

Free food!
- its a free food in every more than 500 purchase of any food or coffee in "COFFEE POD". Try to visit there and you will be very satisfied of the different taste they have on their coffee. Not only coffee but also a lot of food. Taste it for yourself!

So, thats all of my most featured things. You may see this blog stupid but, i just love to express myself about this stuff. Nice to me. Hopin it nice for you too.