Sooo Pissed Off

I cant construct my words. I've been spending minutes here and I still don't know how to state things. I'm just gonna make this straight. I hate being played like a fool specially when I'm starting to like a person. Hell with those who feel they are God and feel so great with themselves. I was about to fall and a guy just messed up on me. "Don't mess with pigs because pigs likes dirty and you might get dirty as well". He really is a pig and I'm starting to get dirty! I have a lot of cursing in mind but I don't want to write it here. I felt played and fooled! Just one thing. If your not on my page just tell me. You don't have to play or fool me. I need honesty and I don't want to think that you're one of them. I still have small chances for you. You're not oblige to do any good. Just be honest even if it's the worst. Just let me know my tone so I know where to position myself, what to act towards this shit and what to do to be out of it! Good enough?! You should be catching up my point now! Just simply tell me the truth and go away. You just wasted my time and my emotions towards you. I'm starting to get weak and I hate it because I'm not suppose to be affected. Gosh! I can't believe its happening again. I never learned! I want to think I'm wrong but where are you? I can't feel you and I can't see you. Go to hell!!!! grrrrrrr...!!! I'm really so mad of myself. I felt crying for being so stupid! I did one bad step again and I'm thinking how to get my dignity back! I want to scream every time I wake up and he is the first thing that comes in my mind. Get lost you dick head! I should not care because he doesn't even give a damn care. I have to tone down and forget whatever happened and whatever I feel. This is not doing any good for myself. I should learn out of it. Its just too hard for me to accept the situation because I'm already into it. Amnesia please! I really hate this and its happening again.

Hopin' I wasn't Wrong

Finally have done a very stupid thing in my recent life. The kindest thing I can do is say to someone that I did something very unacceptable to make him go away. Rubbish isn't it?! Yeah, I know but that's all I think I can do to make him hate me. I always thought I was wrong but half of it was right because I thought that wasn't selfish. I'm definitely playing drama now. Sitting alone here in front of this computer...crying and hurt. I'm wondering if I did the right decision. I'm with a man who talks about marriage, kids, house...yada yada...it's all about future on the right time but it seems that it's slowly flying over the wind. We're ok and yes we really are. Maybe for him we are but for me I'm starting to get sick. Did I make the right decision of choosing him? I'm too prank I know but I felt useless. I don't know what's in his mind every time I'm asking what's wrong. I don't know if he really meant on saying nothing or he just don't want to talk about it. Are we just afraid to loose each other though we really want it to?! A part of me says hold on cause its normal but the other part of me just wants to go on...alone and without him. I'm not as productive as he is definitely because I'm fresh in this real world. I want to be as he is, more if I can. It takes time and I could never say I could be the person he wants me to be. I want to feel from him that he fully accepts me as who I am or who will I become in time. Its regardless if he forget to text me, pay attention with my messages, ignoring some of my achievements. I even feel that he doesn't really believe on me and on what I can do. It wasn't right to feel this way but I felt so small with him. Its not supposed to be like this. This is love isn't it?? It should be understanding, trust and not thinking against it. Its always kind I suppose but why is it that I felt it like were playing so selfish with each other. I don't have any comments right now maybe because I cant construct the right words to say. I understand that he is tired and he has a lot of obligations but he is not alone in this world. He may see me small but I also have my obligations. It might be small to him but its a lot bigger in my small world. I'm just hoppin' I was right on choosing him and giving him my life. I got nothing else to say...

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