A Reason to Chose...

Here i go again! The last time i wrote was a lil irrelevant to how am i ryt now. These past few weeks, I was playing with these set of emotions and then realizations begun to freshen up. It started with a wrong thing, followed with a wrong love and next is the pain. It has a bit of misunderstanding on the way it has to be done and with that implication things brought to him! I just remember that the pain we both are having right now started from a decision i made. I felt sorry for a month but realizing the real reason why i have to make such decision is all because of luv, it gives me a lil strength. I was mad at myself for bringing the pain but at least right now, i already have the reason to be strong. Maybe not to overcome but at least have at least a reason to move on. Its really very hard to understand, to let go and to move on...yes i know but we have to! I have to! Just every time he pushes me away from him makes me think im not selfish at all. Ive used that wrong thing to make a pain, to show my love, and to make him stop from suffering any longer. The path started when i did a mistake, decided to use it for someone i love, used that to make somebody stop loving me, and the only decision i can make to stop him suffer just because of me. If ill say go, he wont go. He will but he will still stay for two years. He’ll wait while im playing around not knowing if i will still come back to him. The choice was: first, to stay, keep the sin and let him suffer for years? second, to reveal, let him suffer and finally trigger him not to love me anymore. At least, we both suffer or nevertheless, i will suffer. A decision that blows up everything. The only thing in my mind is..."Its my fault i know. I made a sin. Its a choice to tell you or not. Sooner or later you'll know. But i decided to say it for one good reason. I love you and I would be very selfish to let you wait for me while i will be laughing with the other. It really hurts me and you, i know your also in pain. I want this and i dont have any idea this could be any painful to me. Im sorry... though you can’t see it, you may not believe, that even to the last decision i made, I made it for you."