Breathe

The noisy world, the teaching and the widest web of the world that I left behind pressures me a lot. I chose to jump with a new one..a new line and a new life. This is the real life I have to get in but it seems so hard to push through. I'm loving it but I get scared a lot..many times. I felt so threatend that I might get lost or loose something I can't take hold again. I'm taking a very slow land quiet step that I don't want anybody to notice me like somebody is sleeping dearly and I don't want that person to wake up. Don't get mad at me! Don't stare at me like that! I can't stand it when everybody is looking at me and I'm just standing..crying inside. I want to run. I want to sleep like Im never ever gonna wake up. Really confusing feeling. I felt like suffocated with the full breeze. There's too much but I can't handle it. I look like really hardened and fearless but I don't really know how and where to start another step again. Im on the middle of the way but it is getting even heavier for me to climb. I feel like quitting from the battle but I dont have a choice. Its now or i guess never. Im not sure though. Where will I go? What will happen to me if I quit? The light is better and a lot better than before. If I throw this, i might not find another like this. Its so scary. Im totally squished! I need help..I need peace of mind and soul. I want to find the right room to live.