Turning Back...Pathetic! = KARMA

You might be thinking that was someone special to me I'm referring to on the title. Not really! That was no other than me.

There was this guy that was with me for more than 2 years. After all these time that we spent together, I realized that a lot of things had changed. It’s not only his shortcomings but "our" shortcomings. I don’t exactly know how to define the feelings I have for him…feelings that was left for him. I ask some space from him to let me think but we actually ended up breaking-up. I was okay at first but the feelings began to roll-over and pinch me saying I'm not okay at all. I ask to go back to him but he won’t agree at all. I know he loves me when he had given me another chance to think. After 6 chances and another chance was given to me…again. It was really shameful that I was this bad right now. I was never this disastrous all my life and so I was living my one week with the exaggeration of freedom. I’m weighing things so cautiously and preventing any other third party reasons to be involved.

Third party because that was where the chaos has started from. A V-Ball Varsity Player of our school who happens to be my best friend at the same time a guy turned to be loved by me. He was really different and to sum it all up, he maybe different because he was young and innocent. I saw him slowly changing from the willing guy to the insensitive guy. Insensitive because he never takes care of me at all and doesn’t even think of my emotions. I wonder if he can even feel what I always feel when he does really striking things with his very selfish words. Huh! It was really boring and tiring at once. I can’t see him and I can’t even feel him. Not even when he knew that I don’t have a boyfriend anymore. It was really arresting when he told me that he still love me but it wasn’t enough for him to fight and stand for me. Though I understand that he still loves me and there were a lot of things to consider why he can’t be with me, I found myself slowly falling out of love. It was maybe because I’m afraid of taking the same pain if I’ll be with him. The good thing was he told me that he was doing that for me because as long as he wasn’t sure of his love, he would just continuously hurt me. That was actually good but it kind of bores me and automatically made me tired.

I know it’s not good to make it a part of the reason for me to go back to my 2years guy but just to be true, I won’t deny it. I want to go back to him for realizing that I still love him and that I still long to be with him. Plus that reason as well. Anyway, I just don’t want to be fraud.

I got a crush since first year and undeniably, I found him more interesting than my best friend. I’m really so sorry to say this but I can feel his presence than of the person I expected more to be there. I can’t blame anybody for these but myself. Unfortunately, he has a girlfriend already and I respect that very much. But one thing is sure, I felt something special for him right now.

Just to be definite, I chose the one I’m sure I feel for and I’m sure I want to be with me. For now, I can’t say for the rest of my life but for the life that I am playing right now. I want him, I need him and love is a factor for all of these feelings. I was somehow still indecisive of where or what will happen to my future life. That is why, I’m just playing my part. I maybe unjust for so many times in so many ways especially to my 2 years guy but I’m trying to make it up on him…slowly. I still have the heart I know and it’s just a matter of discipline to my urges.

The title actually speaks about the three guys turning their backs on me and no wonder that’s pathetic. That’s what Karma is. Asking who’s that pathetic? It’s no other than me.

Im Sorry I Cant Make It

Im Yours

Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but your so hot that i melted
I fell right through the cracks, and i'm tryin to get back
before the cool done run out i'll be givin it my best test
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love
listen to the music at the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melody
It's your god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved Loved
So, i won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate, i'm yours
*scat*
I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
my breath fogged up the glass
and so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm a sayin'is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
it's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue
I won't hesitate no more, no more
it cannot wait, i'm sure
(there's no need to complicate
our time is short
it cannot wait, i'm yours 2x
no please don't complicate, our time is short
this is our fate, im yours.
no please don't hesitate no more, no more
it cannot wait, the sky is yours!)
well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
ah, la one big family
it's your god forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved
open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
ah, la happy family
it's our god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved
listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
ah, la peaceful melodies
it's you god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved...

speechless..I cant stand still..im sorry!

Angles

Okay. So, i was not that freak about taking pictures around..my boyfriend does but I'm not totally into it. All i know is that its great to see things. I love relating them to myself. So i got this pictures in my room and a certain place. You might say some of them are kind of not in the interest of many people but it makes me like it. I love the angle of each of them. Same of them are not that valuable but it speaks the things i used to do. My personality somehow.

Memories
- Its not that clear I know but its an idea of a friend. I have my childhood close friend together with me in the room. Her name is LEAH. We have our pictures posted on the wall and planning to post more making the entire wall a nice view to those who enter the room since its the wall exactly facing the room's door. Its few for now but it will be added sooner as we get any older and will keep all our memories there.






















Old Yet Powerful
- This is a pocket PC for those who don't know it. It has a good brand since its DELL but its not actually mine. Its fast and efficient. It was just given to me. Right now, its color changed to black since i pay for the repaint of it. Its very useful to me because its has a Microsoft word where i can read my soft copies and study them. It has a Windows media player where i can see a movie and listen to music. Plus, you can actually install there new softwares to enjoy it more. It has 4 memories so i don't have problem about saving a lot. Except that its kinda big to bring. But its okay, i totally love all the benefits i can get from using that.






















Fly High
- My desktop. Its a red butterfly(may favorite color). I took that pix in my room. Its given to me by a very special best friend and I love staring on it.






















Unique Player
- My other music player which is a lot better. Since its a touch screen, It can easily open new windows when its tap on the screen. I love this player because it has a "block screen" feature where u can make the desktop black like its not turned on.






















Stone Shoes
- No harm guys! Its just my shoes. I'm proud of saying that its a UK. I love UK things. They really have good quality. Very nice. I'm Using new shoes right now but that shoes is actually still so alive. Nothing much bout that.






















Comforters @ Night
- These are my pillows in the apartment. They have their placing. Its the arrangement actually because i believe that being organize makes a view nice to see. That red pillow is from my cousin ATE JANG, the blue one is an xmas gift from BEBE and the green one actually have 3 small pillows inside; one is lavender w/c is also an xmas gift from DENISE, the yellow is from my sister ATE ANN and the blue is from SENECA also an xmas gift. The biggest pillow is from my boyfriend DENNES. It has no pillow case because I simply love its texture. I love rubbing it on my feet. Lols.





















Double Purpose
- Very unique bag. Its also a gift from my boyfriend. Its not really a gift. Its a give a way for buying a product in a certain store. I love the ribbon and i customize it more by putting those shiny things all around it. Every time i use it, my classmates always tease me like I'm gonna buy something from the palengke. Our school is near that place actually.






















Other Side
- My favorite big watch. This watch brings my "Choi" kuno side..hehhe..






















Monthsary?
- Its my monthsary gift to my boyfriend. The bad thing is, right now, its already broken. :-(






















"Never Solve Game"
- I just cant make it. I can only do the one side complete. I wonder when can I ever succeed on that game. mmmmmmmmm?!?!?!

Special Car Chain
- Its a chain from a friend. A lot of people thought i had a car because of this. hahaha. Its always on my very handy pocket. I had it captured on both front and back side.






















"Everything in my Pocket"
- I'm sure i don't have to tell you what those things are since its very obvious. Anyway, I cant go out from the house without all of that. Another sad thing is, the ball pen, w/c is my favorite, is already gone this time..:-(






















Shining Armore
- Its just my favorite sunglasses. I feel like a model walking down the road and wearing it. Lols.






















Crystal Toy
- One of my toys. Its not mine actually. I just got it from my real house in Tagum. I love twisting it. It actually has a pointed bottom thats why it spins when twisted. I just love staring at it!

Bloody Watches
- My 3 old red watches. I call them small, big and big-big. Obviously, I love red. The small is from my ex-boyfriend JAYSON. The big is from my high school friend RYAN and the big-big is from my scholarship money. I love all of them but the big-big is the only one functional right now.

Free food!
- its a free food in every more than 500 purchase of any food or coffee in "COFFEE POD". Try to visit there and you will be very satisfied of the different taste they have on their coffee. Not only coffee but also a lot of food. Taste it for yourself!

So, thats all of my most featured things. You may see this blog stupid but, i just love to express myself about this stuff. Nice to me. Hopin it nice for you too.

Shoot Me

"Will You Ever Learn"

So what’s the point in all of this?
When you will never change
The days have past
The weather’s changed
Should I be sorry? Could I be sorry?
I did it all for you
Hoping you would see
Your eyes are dull, your hands are clenched
Are we ready?
But you think about yourself
Only but yourself
But what about…
Un-lonely nights, romantic moments
The love
What about them
Throw it all away
You know me well
You know it’s wrong
Then what is it you feel?
You hide behind those perfect smiles
It won’t fool me because you already did
But you think about yourself
Only but yourself
But what about…
Un-lonely nights, romantic moments
The love
What about them
Throw it all away
The perfect dates, the sweetest kisses
What about them
Throw it all away

Sing this for me and ill be dead. Hahahah!!! Im getting harder man. Im throwing all away the love. I wanna change but by myself. Stop telling me what to do. Im tired of listening. I dont even wanna listen to myself. Ill just voluntarily do it. Without any command from anybody. I will be free like a bird. I will be doing things i wanna do. I just wish I can.

A Promise, A Choice, and a Proof

It was our retreat..i was into confession. I was ought to fulfill 3 task. Three undying task. I was out in the retreat house bringing these three things with me. A promise to change. A choice for a change. A proof to be change. All about CHANGES.
I was kinda confident when i came home that i could fulfill it but i was way too wrong bout that. Its never easy. Its not easy to have an instant change. In fact, i was getting worst than ever. I'm not fine. I don't feel ok. I'm sick! Totally insane with my insanity. Squeeze me for an instance and you will see all the tears I'm hiding for being like this. I cant do it now but i wish to do it later. Soon. I'm hiding all the tears cause i don't want to be soft. I don't want people to see me so emotional, crying. I wanna be a stone again but thats against my goals. The proving is surviving. I'm doing it but not perfectly done it. As what I'm saying, its not easy to change. The choice is so difficult to do I'm thinking bout it. Its never even easy to think. I'm searching for reasons on choosing who. Lastly, the promise. Promises are made to be broken but, this is serious. Its really alarming. Red lights are really on the top of my head and not easy to do the promise. It takes a lot of prayers, control, discipline. Overall, its too far from me. I still cant see the promise done. I hope to see it soon. I have faith! I know i can do this..i have to before its too late.

A Song for Bastards I Fooled!

"Wait For You"

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I’m missing you and I’m wishing you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go?
You could have let me know; so now I’m all alone

Girl you could have stayed but you wouldn’t give me a chance
With you not around it’s a little bit more than I can stand
And all my tears they keep runnin’ down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you

Been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You gotta be feeling crazy
How can you walk away
(When) Everything stays the same
I just can’t do it baby

What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is and it just ain’t like that
Why can’t you look at me?
You’re still in love with me
Don’t leave me crying

Baby why can’t we just start all over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you’re telling me it won’t be enough

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you’re keeping inside
That is not how you want it to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it’s the last thing I do

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you
I’ll be waiting …

Don't you ever wait for someone who never deserve your love..Its your life! Be happy with it. If you'll wait..i will be happy. If you wont, i'd still be fine. Good luck with your life and be with somebody whose good as you are. Im never like that and i will never ever be that again..81.