LAST LOVE SONG

Am I trying to hard
To Keep this love alive
You don't seem to care
About this love that we had
I called you last night
But you were not there
I didn't here from you at all today

I can't play this game
I'm just wasting my time
You leave me with no other choice
But to say goodbye
I want to work things out
But what's the point of it if
I have to be in love alone
It's not worth it anymore


It's hard for me to say goodbye
The tears are falling down my eyes
I'm sorry,
I'm Sorry, but we tried...


I thought we shared a life that was full of love
But now I realize we shared an empty hope
I will cry my last cry
Before I say bye bye
I will sing my last love song for you tonight

I can't play this game
I'm just wasting my time
You leave me with no other choice
But to say goodbye
I want to work things out
But what's the point of it if
I have to be in love alone
It's not worth it anymore


It's hard for me to say goodbye
We did out best to make things right
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, but we tried...


I thought we shared a life that was full of love
But now I realize we shared an empty hope
I will cry my last cry
Before I say bye bye
I will sing my last love song for you tonight

I can't play this game
I'm just wasting my time
You leave me with no other choice
But to say goodbye
I want to work things out
But what's the point of it if
I have to be in love alone
It's not worth it anymore

Enough...Im done!

I'm still trembling this very moment. I had an enemy from the YM and he was way too stupid for making me this stupid. I'm really crying for being so mad on him. It was never easy faking a smile. Smiling like nothing had happened. I'm working too hard bringing this shameless face just to make us work again but as usual, "I didn't tell you to work!", that will always be his line.

"PUTA" is such a term for me right now. I'm just so sorry to use that but the urge of being on the highest point of madness is on my system. Its flowing onto my smallest veins. I hate a person who is so insensitive! I'm so tired of being under his skin...letting things flow as if "kaya ko pa" because in reality, its really tiring to cry. I know its my fault. "Ginago na kita!" Yeah! Yeah! Whatever! I will never care! He is really making me bad...and mad. Now were fair...its getting hard for me and getting so painful to me like I never imagined would be happening. TIME?!?!? You need time right?! That's all yours. You can have much of your time cause as long as I'm here, you wont be calm. Now I'm gone and I'm done of all of these...happy?!?! There is nothing you can count on me. I'm not here for you anymore and I will be accepting that you'll never be there at all. Just stop it! I'm sorry! It was really my fault for making you feel all that pain. I'm really sorry but I also have my own feelings. You are really squeezing me and I had enough of this! Let's just leave each other. I wont care anymore because I know you wont care as well. Let's recover separately and when we are fine, let's not think that there is still you or me waiting. Consider me dead. After all, that's what you actually want to happen. Good luck!

Late at Night

With You
by Akiss

A game had let us meet
Online site had let us chat
Messages and PM's made us speak
And eleven numbers keep the beat.

We were desperate when we started
And that is where good friendship bloomed
Circumstances made everything ended
But for quite long time we still cant take.

You were gone but songs keep playing
Game of yours is keep on moving
Though some things are not as they are before
And eleven numbers are not functioning at all.

I love that fake driving with you
And the swing I used to play
These thoughts always makes me smile
With all the visions we had and now passing through.

12:33am - Oct.4, 2007

Behind
by Akiss

We had 81 for a meaning
8 is me and 1 is you
As butterflies never fades away
White roses will always stay.

AB is our name's initials
And 0811 is our favorite numbers
Blue is what you are to me
And red is how i smile to you.

This sign ( : ) is nothing to them
Specially when its followed by this ( - )
The last in line is like a p
And so a meaning comes from this smiley.

We love combinations on what we have
And we are fond of little "baby"
A princess he said I'am before
And he is my knight...always will be.

Endless Nights

I was back from my vacation last October 25, 2007 to be on the b-day of my 2years boyfriend. I was happy when he was surprised to see me back. I did not tell him know that I am already in the city on his day. I really planned to surprise him and was happy for his speechless reaction. “You made my day complete!” This was his words and I was overwhelmed because of that. I stayed in the city for about 4 days before I went home to my hometown. Before I left, something terrible happened that made me think I wish I never got home earlier…he might be still mine. I never realized he could dispatch me that easy. We had a fight and maybe he got annoyed of me. The point is, I never thought these could be done easier. We had a break-up and he was not replying on my SMS and not even replying on my pm’s on yahoo. How could I ever reach him and solve the problem? I’m still with my family and I can’t go near to him right now. Anyway, I had a lot of endless nights. I can’t sleep just thinking of what is really happening. Are we really done?! Is this really happening?! I want to talk to him but it seems that he doesn’t care. I don’t even know what to do because I can’t move here. So many tears again right now and I cant believe I’m in this kind of stage again. I just gave up a best friend who also gave me up and so I had a lot of reasons to cry…to drink. Hoping not!!! Im alone now and had a lot of extended endless nights and probably days. A lot of reasons to fake a smile, to pretend Im okay and to act as if nothing had happened.

Future vs. Future

Realizing that after all it was not that easy to say who is meant to stay with you for the rest of your life. Often saying to myself things like he maybe or he may not be. It’s a choice to live and whom to live with. I was a hesitant of taking the risk but right now, I’m ready to take it. The only thing is I can’t do it right now because of some circumstances or maybe because there is nobody waiting still. The reality is, I was fooling myself that there are too many of them. I’m not really sure if they are just there because I do the first move and they just don’t want me to be ashamed of myself.
Anyway, why did I say future versus future? I guess a lot would say, “In my future life, I want to be stable…I have work, I own my house, I have my family and just have enough number of kids!”. This is true for several people including me. I see a guy that could be and might be going with me with that future life. I often thought about that for so many times and a smile and somehow a satisfaction is within me. I just discovered lately that it’s not the way it is. There could be a change on that matter. I forgot to ask myself bout this, “What will happen if you see your future away from the place you are right now and the guy you see going with you for that kind of future life sees that negatively…as in break-up?!” I’m going to explain that! What I meant is, I see him my future one but my own future is away with the place he could have a stable future. What will I choose, the future one or my own future? I mean, yes I know I have to consider my own future first but it could be without the future one. Or it could be that my own future is without my own future but with the future one. I never really imagined that I could be choosing from the two. Maybe the future one I thought will be going with me is not really the one. I mean, do you get it?! He is stable in his place and he wants to be in the place with his own family. If I leave the place, I might not be his family anymore. I don’t know what to choose for now. Let’s just see and let’s just play it. Answers will be soon revealed as my studies and some other important matters in life will be fulfilled before choosing what kind of future is much greater to live.