Summer Sunshine

My title is actually a song from the CORRS. They are very great girl's band. They are popular and really great performers. Some would say they are not good but for me, they are one of the loveliest. The title I got does not really reflect on the song but of the summer that I used to have. Sunshine becasue its one of the brightest summer I had. I have this wish of a having a guy bestfriend ever since I was a kid. Just last summer, I had one and the most compassionate of all guys I used to know. I love this person in any ways and our story started with a friendly story and unexpectedly, one great love story. Wrong but enchanting, complicated but happy...the best if only we were right. I have to make the summary of it since its a very long story. We started as friends and never guilty bestfriends because at start, we know where we are, what we do and who are we to each other. Until, the guy I had started to create imaginations and we were forced to leave the company of each one. It was really sad that we had to leave each other. That thing, triggered anything. We had this promise: "If ever one starts to fall inlove, never say it. Its best to keep a bestfriend because if we started to go beyond that we might loose both friendship and love." That is exactly what happened later on. He was my bestfriend and we were forced to leave each other. Before leaving each other, one started to confess and for that reason, we really had to leave each other. Later on, the other one had confessed and they promised to leave each other fully. After how many tries, weeks, months...we still cant leave each other. Its really amazing that no matter how hard, we are fighting...but on the wrong side. After 7 months, I did a very bad thing that triggered all his feelings for me. He decided to give up and take away all the love he had for me. I cant move out but he already did. He was happy and until now, i still have this tears hiding in my heart. No one may see it but its really and totally hurting me. Im tired but I cant leave him because it was my fault. I cant stop thinking anything about him and the things that we have done. The history of 10:00 curfew, the mass, the driving, the swing, Link2Suport, the bracelet, hankerchief, red butterfly, white rose, the poem. As in everything. He was the first person to greet me good morning and the last person to bid me good night. Never neglected even one day to do that. He treated me like a princes, he was worried all the time about me, he wakes me up every morning so I wont be late. The smile, the looks in his eyes and all the red carpet when we are in our fairy tale world. How will I be able to forget all these memories? Way back into Love...the song playing when we had a sweet dance. I cant forget every inch of everything that we had. Right now, the sunshine of that summer, all gone, all washed out. It was my fault and I dont even know if it will still come back. I dont know if we still have the 2 years. The person I always think that would just be there at my back when I need him, never here, never near. From the bestfriend I used to know to the person I used to love and now the stranger I have to pass by. Summer sunshine is really over.

Love Will Lead You Back

Love Will Lead You Back Lyrics

This song is really touching. I don't know if i already have this on my page. Whatever! Well, somebody told me to let him go. That would definitely a bull's eye shot on me and could actually put that dot, dot, dot. Then what will happened next if I'll do? I'll be away soon and I have read a line about him waiting for somebody to come. I'm pretty clueless about him because he is not saying anything. I was even thinking he's okay. I told my mother about it and she told me to follow what that person is saying but I cant. He is telling me everything will be okay but when and how? I wanna trust him but I dont wanna loose him. I just can't! My nanay said: "If its really him for you...we'll never know. It would take time...years. If you'll meet again, let's just see." Its exactly the same thoughts he told me. Then how will things flow?! Its really hurting. I just hope that love will really lead us back. Love may not be here for now but I wish that in God's time, it will be.

Back for days...

Back here in Davao just today. I've spent my Christmas with my family in Tagum City and I have to go back here for a reason. I need to finish things that bothers me. My thesis! Definitely still a very big thing to finish. I was playing jokes with my father about me not graduating and he was really so mad. So now I have this pressure on me. I really have to grad! Aja! I'll be here for just 3 days and have to go back for our Reunion and spend New year with my fam. This was really my 1st quiet Christmas since my 2 sisters were not home. They were in Bohol to spend the season. They don't have plans to go home for now. It was overwhelming that despite of that, I have my brother back with the headaches he is giving to us(quite) but its okay that he is here. Plus, I'm drank for two consecutive days with my childhood friends spending time together and having fun a lot. Its really a headache. I've been cleaning the house and helping my mother to cook since I cant cook alone because I don't know how to. I just felt that rich people actually cant experience this. Since they have their "nanny" at their house, they cant enjoy the feeling of rearranging the house and the designing of it for Christmas. It was just four of us in the house for now. Really quiet but cool. Lols. I love my family and I'm taking this advantage to share my thoughts since Ill be staying here for just a few days! Have a wonderful season everyone!

Advance Greetings!

Being online everyday is my life's routine. I can't just sleep without even opening a PC and checking on my online stuffs all day. But This time is really a season. It almost Christmas and I have to go back to my hometown to see my family and spend time with them. It's my four years living in Davao and I would really miss this place when I'm out of here. Christmas vacation is not that long anyway so I'll just be a little invisible for just a few days. Since I cant be online everyday, which is one of my ways on communicating to people, I would like to save this message here and let those who can read to feel the warmth of love and care I can share. I cant be here on that exact day so just pullin' this ADVANCE MERRY CHRISTMAS to all and a HAPPY NEW YEAR! I love you all guys and thank you so much for the year that you've been a part. No matter how sad, how bad, or how happy you've caused my life, it will always matter. If you've never come around, I will never have these learnings, these realizations and the challenges of life. Thank you and God bless you all! Have fun! See you as soon as I can get online!

Succumb

Feeling so exhausted is really a failure of the day. I was full of headache last night but I feel well today. Very light even drank. Its the very first time I never had a hang over...with the hard. I just give-in to the emotions that was recently bothering me. The life of a person I used t know, now, I believe is totally gone. I am a loser and I submit myself to that. I never had this freedom of feelings. As if Im over. Im into the shadow of hurt, of tiredness, of shame and of fear. This is not me! I never give-up. I never give a damn care of whatever those people are giving me. The person I am knows when and how to ignore those who are indeed needed to be ignored. Who am I right now?! I don't even know myself. I don't know you, him or they. I don't know this or that. I don't know anything and some would think Im great but Im not! Im with my mask. The happy, the cheerful, the smiley, maybe cool, maybe strong but all of that was not me anymore. I never was, I even forgot how to be that person. I feel down for losing. I should be over it. When will I ever be out of my shell? I should act on my age but Im still in this sticky thing holding me and I cant move out. Just leave me alone and I just wanted to understand that my life is not bound to turn on the life of a person, of a certain emotion and feelings and of the shadow of anything. I have to be out and I have to be a soldier. I have to fight against it and I have to live a new life...with or without you! With or without anything to have!

Wurla Morning!

Today is our last day of exam with this last subject PolScie. Too bad I was not ready to take the exam because I just watched movie last night. Not just one but two of it! Very bad! I was really sleepy when I decided to go to sleep and unfortunately, i dont have this open eyes to study. I have to sleep by 12 to wake up early for an early mass. After mass in the morning, I started studying my subject but I fell asleep...again. I was still laughing when I woke up by 8 and started to get alarmed when Im still in Chapter 2 out of 5 chapters and its already 8:45am. I then took a bath and studied again by 9:30. I was really in a hurry. im really shaking becasue i'm really hungry plus sleepy at the same time. So i went to school with this never ready heart and mind and soul. I'm out of the house 5min before 10 and needed to ride the taxi because certainly i will be late if I wont. The exam was alrady starting when I arrived and I was 10min late. Im still shaking and I cant think well. I was not that ready and its really "wurla" to answer those questions. Its really vague. I dont have any idea about some of it. After exam we have to run for the printing of the IRM requirements. We ran out of the school and back again to pass it. After all of that, I'm now here and blogging. Wurla day! I think I need some food to calm down! Have a yummy lunch everyone!